Mahoka

One of my favourite programs on KBC TV was Mahoka. The most fascinating thing about the program was the names of the characters. Each had a cocktail of four or five names. You may remember some of them:

- Chapuo Chepeo Chap Chap Mla Chake
- Kwapuo kwap kwap mla chao
- Shombo shombora simba wa mji wa macho
- Sir James Chuck Norris Lord Carrington 360, 4,4,3 Magegania Boy

Mahoka was, if I remember correctly, the first Kenyan comedy to play canned laughter during the program. It would appear that they did not record varying vichekos but would play the same one at intervals of 1 min as the show went on, never mind if anything funny had been said or not.

Anyways, I loved Mahoka, Shombo with his famous stinking boots, Kwapuo going to Greece(Greki as they pronounced it) and Sir James with his silly glasses.

Chapuo once had a nice chit chatted with a beautiful stranger at the bus stop. The girl told the blushing Chapuo 'Haya basi korombo' as she boarded a bus. Chapuo happily recounted the story to his friends only to be told that 'Korombo' was a horrible insult. Chapuo made his way back to the now deserted bus stop and began yelling in the direction the bus had headed half an hour earlier 'Msichana wa saa zile, korombo ni wewe na watu wenyu, na mifugo yenyu...' and on and on.

Shamuka

Them days when KBC ruled, Music Time was the show to watch for local and international hits. From the earliest I can remember, Music Time was hosted by Fred Obachi Machokaa, calling himself 'The blackest man in black Africa'. Then came a few lady presenters here and there, but the absolute show stopper was Shadrack Musyoka wa Kaleli or 'Shamuka' as he preferred to call himself. He'd appear on the screen carrying a basket which supposedly contained all the hits for the day's show. I'll never forget the day he said 'Na sasa tunakuletea yule kipusa Ndolly Parton, akitusukumia kizinga - She's an Engo!'.

Rare Watts should have won

You remember the Rare Watts from the days of the 'Win a Car Dance Competition' back in 1990, the three well-built, Maasai-shuka clad guys who could really boogie. I totally loved the way the got down to 'Dirty Cash', 'I've been thinking about you' and Black Box's 'Ride on Time'. The was a way they just ran away with it, or so I thought. Apparently, the judges felt that Jam City in their super-shiny outfits did a better job. Nonetheless, the Rare Watts are indelible in the memories of many Kenyans.

All for Ramayan

When I was in class 4 or 5 Ramayan had hit ile mbaya. In school we would talk about Ram's progress in rescuing Sita from Lanka or argue about who was more handsome, Ram or Lakshman. We would even reenact the battle scenes, with imaginary maces and cries of 'Jai Sri Ram' never mind we had no clue what it meant. The music was beautiful, Hanuman was busy flying around and in short, Ramayan was unmissable.

The only problem was that it used to air on Sunday at around 5pm, the same time I was supposed to go the salon to have my hair braided in readiness for school on Monday.
Just when the signature tune would begin playing (Sita Ram mujareepa kasi baaa baaan...), mathe would ask me to go to the salon. It was unbearable to miss an episode and I had to think fast. I told mathe that I wanted to concentrate on studying and keeping long hair was wasting my time because I had to keep going to the salon. So I suggested getting my hair shaved. Amazed at my love for study, mathe obliged. From then on, I was able to enjoy every episode of Ramayan undisturbed. Unfortunately, the thing wound up all too soon and I was stuck with trying to grow my hair back for a long long time.

Somewhere to begin

I suppose the day my mum brought home a TV is not a bad place to begin. It was a 14 inch black and white Samsung. I mentioned to her that it was a nice TV, despite the fact that children in those days commonly received responses such as 'Kwani ulikuwa unataka ile mbaya?' for making unnecessary observations. If you asked 'Ilikuwa pesa ngapi?', a not so unlikely response would be 'Unirudishie pesa?'. Perhaps parents of that time were an angry lot. Anyway, mum didn't mind.

I proceeded to sit through two hours of what I would now call agonising viewing, in the form of 'Habari' then 'Utabiri wa hali ya hewa' with Nguatah Francis (you remember him), 'Professional View' followed by 'Press Conference' , news, maombi and kufungwa kwa kituo. I would later see these shows as an absolute bore, but for that day I was enthralled.

The next day, I asked mum to switch on the TV at about noon. She explained that there was nothing to watch, since the station in those days 'opened' at 4pm. I was confused and told her that Nguatah Francis had said there would be 'vipindi vya jua kesho mchana'. It was mchana and I wanted to watch vipindi vya jua now. Mum went to explain that 'vipindi vya jua' did not mean 'TV programs about the sun' but ' sunny intervals'. I guess puns have been chasing me ever since.