GHC

GHC (Geography, History and Civics) in Kenyan Primary Schools kinda sucked. Not only was it boring, it was also too wide. Getting a 40 and above out of 60 was quite an achievement. I wonder how I got by without ever getting to know what was cutting with half of the vast chapters on colonial rule in Africa. Here is a list of some of the people you had to know in and out to pass:

- Lobengula
- Nabongo Mumia
- Kinjikitile Ngwale
- Koitalel arap Samoei
- Masaku
- Lenana and on and on
You had to know about the Khoisan, the Shona and the Ndebele, Leopard's Kopje culture, the Empire of Mone Motapa and the climatic conditions and soils that favour coffee, tea, pyrethrum, cotton, sisal and you still weren't done. You did rubber in Liberia, cocoa in Ghana and fishing in Japan.

I guess it paid off, we learned that the higher you go the cooler it becomes. My most amazing GHC moment was in lower primary when it was revealed to me that we live on and not in the earth!I'd always pictured humanity living happily inside a spherical body but not on it. I was in disbelief and wondered how the people at the bottom of the sphere don't fall off and how the Nile flows 'upwards' from Lake Victoria to the Mediterranean. Thankfully, those were answered and I have since moved on to questions of greater importance, such as why my GHC teacher only had long hair behind her ears.

Homework: What were the four waves of the migration of the Luo into Kenya?

Break Time

The 10.15am bell in Primo used to usher in break time, half an hour of unbridled fun and games. This was the time for kati, blada, shake, icho, hide and seek (aka brikicho) and the works. There was no better time to hit the loos without having to 'Please teacher can I go the toilet?' only to get 'Yes you can but you may not'.

Those were the days when three shillings could buy break time snacks and to spare. In many primos, mine included, the highlight of break time was relishing a red or green kashata, goody goody, britania or mabuyu. The most annoying thing was when other kids doead your break and plagued you with incessant 'nimosh!' and 'yes durus', just as you were about to consume a snack. Usually, throwing it quickly in the mouth and saying 'nishapaka mate' or just shouting 'no durus' way in advance usually worked just fine.

Anyways, we used to eat our britanias, or brits, in a slow, methodical way; first would be to gnaw away the patterned edges all around the word 'britania'. Then we would eat each letter one by one, spelling the new word as we went along; 'britani', 'britan', 'brita', all the way until the biscuit was finished. As for mabuyus, the real fun would start after break time when the well eaten pod would be rubbed vigorously on the floor until shiny and hot, then placed on the 'squawks' or neck of unsuspecting classmates. The squeal of pain elicited was delightful!

Maziwa ya Nyayo

Whenever the truck bringing crates of 'maziwa ya Nyayo' rolled into the school compound, squeals of delight interrupted the lesson and indeed, the entire school turned its focus to the distribution and drinking of 'maziwa ya nyayo'. Corruption was rife with prefects, teachers and upper primary kids stashing away more packets for themselves, some for drinking and in the case of teachers, some for making tea at home.

My friends from mixed primos tell me that the boys only wanted packets with the image of boys playing boxing, while girls only wanted packets with an image of girls playing netball. It was very embarrassing if you got a packet with an image of the opposite sex and one could even cry or be teased about it. I hear that in certain schools, smashing packets of 'maziwa ya nyayo' on the heads of classmates was a sport of great delight.

Alas! Those days are gone... or are they? Rumour has it that the school milk program may be reintroduced. Perhaps this time they will call it 'maziwa ya kibz'.

Primary English

Do you recall the climb up Primary School so aptly represented by the boy and girl taking a step each year on the cover of Primary English?

For many young people, that journey began with 'Hallo Children', your first English textbook. 'Like a lot of my friends, Hallo Children enthralled us with the mundane lives of Mr. Kamau, Mrs. Kamau and their children Tom, Mary and Peter. They were all speaking to us and saying, Hallo Children! As we would later learn, Mr. Kamau was a bus driver, Mrs. Kamau gave him a banana for breakfast, Mary was lazy and could not be woken up by countless domestic animals, Tom was prone to loosing pencils and Peter, the baby, loved playing with ink.

Then came 'Read with us' in standard two where Tom, Mary and their friends eat some grass soup and get awfully sick. Compelling eh?

We eventually moved on to 'New Friends' in class three.......things get hazy and muda si muda, we are almost 'Stepping Out' in class 8. Over the years debates happen, horrific dreams are retold and Mbogori cooks lunch.

The Loyalty Pledge

Didn't we all mumble the lines at assembly whenever Mrs. so and so in her shrill voice called out, 'The loyalty pledge...':

"I pledge my loyalty to the President and Nation of Kenya
My readiness and duty to defend the flag of our Republic
My life, strength and service in the task of nation building
In the living spirit embodied in our National motto 'Harambee'
and perpetuated in the Nyayo philosophy of Peace, Love and Unity."

I thought that this stuff had been scrapped by now, for obvious reasons, but it turns out that the 'loyalty pledge' is alive and well in Primary Schools to this day.

Home Science

Were it not for Home Science, most of us would never know what a back stitch, hemming stitch, overcasting or herringbone stitch are. Where would boys and girls voluntarily knit booties in the absence of this crucial subject? In addition, where would the essential skills of making a lap bag, pin cushion or fringed mat have come from? I never got round to finishing my shorts though.

I remember the way Tois in class 4 and 5 would psyche up for standard 6 Home Science after a sneak preview of the textbook revealed that 'Adole' would be featuring prominently in the curriculum. Among the worst things someone could say to you was that 'Unasumbuliwa na Adole'. Anyhow, through it all, we learned that hips broaden, voice deepens and wet dreams start.

You got mail!

In primo, kids were very creative in addressing envelopes for etters and notes to friends. You may remember seeing ''boombasticate it to:' sprawled diagonally across the envelope, followed by the recipient's name. 'Open With a Smile' was pretty common, as was 'Kiss before you open'. I still recall the time when best friends would send each other hand-drawn cards, with 'UR2sweet2B4go10' written on the envelope. The 'sweet' part wasn't written, it was actually a hand-drawing of a sweet and you had to figure it out the code (high tech ha?).

In some primos, TAs would open tois' mail just to make sure it wasn't from 'suitors' lurking somewhere beyond the school walls. If a chick was busted for getting mail from a boy, the TA would read the letter out loud to the whole class. The letter would typically be in blue biro with salient points written in red biro. Teacher So and So would punctuate her reading of sentences such as 'You are the only button on my shirt' with a msomo to the busted girl and bemused class on 'the dangers of relationships', before moving on to 'When I see you my heart goes paragasha!' At the end, busted toi would get a good whipping plus a chat with Headi, mum and dad the next day, all because of a strange boy seated somewhere with a blue and red pen.